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With Socialized Medicine, Everyone Gets Screwed in the End

William Satire — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 00:24:38 +0000

The photo below is of a real sign posted in an NHS hospital in the UK and it’s indicative of what inevitably happens with socialized medicine: supply cannot keep up with demand and, as a result, care needs to be rationed. Apparently, the situation is so dire in Britain that their national health care system can no longer provide the normal methods of birth control and they’ve been forced to resort to more unorthodox methods.

Needless to say, this sign is proof that any socialized health care system eventually becomes a pain in the butt.

Obama to Reward Two Controversial Donors With Positions in His Administration?

William Satire — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 18:30:27 +0000

They made headlines with their illegal donations to Obama’s campaign. Now that he’s been elected, will Obama repay them with power?

Explosive Breakthrough: Engineers Develop Motorcycle Powered by Natural Gas

William Satire — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 20:26:48 +0000

With President-elect Barack Obama vowing to bankrupt the coal industry, nix nuclear power and block off-shore drilling, this invention has arrived just in time. You better place your order now, because in two years, these motorcycles might be the only way to travel.

New Epidemic: Obama Zombies

Heywood U. Reedmore — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 19:41:08 +0000

See if you can spot Doodad Pro and Good Will in the footage:

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

Early Exit Poll Has McCain in the Lead

Heywood U. Reedmore — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:35:05 +0000

The Spolitics Center for Made-Up Statistics has released an early exit poll that shows McCain leading amongst voters who also happen to be my drinking buddies. This is a key demographic that McCain must carry in order to win the election. Despite these returns, Spolitics.com is still not ready to call the election for John McCain just yet — perhaps because the poll has a margin of error of +/- 50 million. Still, there’s no reason to suggest this poll will prove any less accurate than any of the others.

The race is going to come down to the states in gray (see map below). With a couple of exceptions, McCain is basically going to have to run the table. He has a shot, but he’s going to have to pull the equivalent of the Indianapolis Colts’ fourth quarter comeback against the Houston Texans.

If McCain wins Florida, North Carolina, Ohio, and either Pennsylvania or Virginia, things will get interesting. And the McCain camp seems to believe it’s possible.

Update: Results are starting to come in. As they do, note whether or not McCain is outperforming his showing in the polls. There were a lot of X-factors this election, including Sarah Palin’s potential draw. If pollsters didn’t accurately weight these factors, all bets are off.

The Real Reason Keith Olbermann Was Pulled from the Anchor Chair

William Satire — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 09:58:05 +0000

Spolitics.com has the exclusive.

The Long-Lost Ancient Greek Myth of Obamacles Uncovered

William Satire — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 06:44:51 +0000

A construction crew in Denver uncovered what experts believe to be an ancient manuscript reciting the tale of a previously unknown figure from Greek mythology named Obamacles. Spolitics.com has the translation from the original Greek.

Obama Beaches It, But Is It Enough to Catch Hasselhoff

William Satire — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 19:05:29 +0000

Obama has been hanging out at the beach in an apparent attempt to catch up to David Hasselhoff in the polls. But is it enough to narrow the huge gap between him and the former Baywatch actor in the race to see who’s the biggest star in Germany.

Hasselhoff Still More Popular Than Obama in Germany, Despite Berlin Speech

William Satire — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 05:17:41 +0000

Presidential hopeful, Barack Obama, may have drawn a large crowd in Berlin, but according to a recent poll, David Hasselhoff is still the top dog in Germany. [More at Spolitics.com]

Warning: There’s a Bank-Hating Schumonster on the Rampage!

William Satire — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 07:56:11 +0000

Be afraid. Be very afraid.