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Michael Moore Tries to Force-Feed Spam to the
Chinese
by Sal Sfranken and William Satire
WASHINGTON , D.C. -- Michael Moore will appear on Capitol Hill
today to testify in front of a grand jury on charges that he sent millions
of spam emails to Chinese citizens to try and promote his new movie,
“Censor This and Die.”
the United States to sway them to allow providers like Google to
operate in the country. In return for that access, Google promised to
cooperate with Operation iSpam Sandwich.
According to sources, Moore’s trial will center around the
government's claim that Moore was sending spam to China in an
attempt to undermine US foreign policy. If convicted Moore could be
sentenced to serve ten years at a copydesk at the New York Times.
--continued below--
Chinese
by Sal Sfranken and William Satire
WASHINGTON , D.C. -- Michael Moore will appear on Capitol Hill
today to testify in front of a grand jury on charges that he sent millions
of spam emails to Chinese citizens to try and promote his new movie,
“Censor This and Die.”
- Great Firewall of China
The filmmaker’s new
documentary reportedly
goes deep behind the scenes
of the NSA’s Operation
iSpam Sandwich, a secret
program designed to stop
spammers from breaching
the large firewalls found in
communist China. These
firewalls are designed to
protect the Chinese from
ruminations on the inherent
freedom of man as well as
offers for 90% off Viagra.
the United States to sway them to allow providers like Google to
operate in the country. In return for that access, Google promised to
cooperate with Operation iSpam Sandwich.
According to sources, Moore’s trial will center around the
government's claim that Moore was sending spam to China in an
attempt to undermine US foreign policy. If convicted Moore could be
sentenced to serve ten years at a copydesk at the New York Times.
--continued below--
Moore Trouble
But Moore’s troubles don’t stop there. Moore also sent out billions
of spam emails unrelated to his movie with content like: From
Mikey, “More Cushin’ For Your Pushin’?!” and From Cha-nigh-
knees4dEmocracy, “Wanna Hook Up?” Apparently this was an
effort to conceal his marketing efforts by making his spam emails
appear to be a fraction of a broader operation. However, Google
was able to trace the spam back to a single IP address held by
Moore and promptly notified Chinese officials and the NSA.
These email solicitations have attracted the ire of officials in Beijing
who are seeking extradition for their own trial. “Spam poses a huge
problems for countries like China because it undermines their ability
to control commerce as well as thought,” says a former White
House authority on the matter who agreed to speak with Spolitics on
the grounds of anonymity. “The U.S. is committed to a policy of
helping the Chinese take a bite out of spam,” said the expert. “And
in return for that, the Chinese government has agreed to open up
markets and subsidize our purchase of egg rolls. Moore was trying
to undermine that.”
The complete set of hilarious Moore spam will be released by NSA
Publishing in paperback later this summer.
do something for them in return in the only way I know how.
Making movies that attack my government.”
In a written statement to the press, Moore explains, “I wanted the
Chinese people to know the truth. My film, ‘Censor this or Die,’
uncovers many secrets about a secret NSA program that I thought
the Chinese might like to know more about. That’s all. This whole
thing is nothing more than a partisan political attack to try and keep
the Chinese from seeing a very engaging movie about secret US
policies. And that’s wrong. China’s a free country, you know.”
But others say Moore’s actions have actually hurt the movement for
more openness in China. “At a time when they were starting to
relax, Moore has single-handed persuaded the Chinese to step up
their efforts against Internet freedom,” said one expert. “And why?
Because he unilaterally decided the Chinese should get to see a video
of a monkey smelling its own poo. He deserves to be punished.”
But Moore’s troubles don’t stop there. Moore also sent out billions
of spam emails unrelated to his movie with content like: From
Mikey, “More Cushin’ For Your Pushin’?!” and From Cha-nigh-
knees4dEmocracy, “Wanna Hook Up?” Apparently this was an
effort to conceal his marketing efforts by making his spam emails
appear to be a fraction of a broader operation. However, Google
was able to trace the spam back to a single IP address held by
Moore and promptly notified Chinese officials and the NSA.
These email solicitations have attracted the ire of officials in Beijing
who are seeking extradition for their own trial. “Spam poses a huge
problems for countries like China because it undermines their ability
to control commerce as well as thought,” says a former White
House authority on the matter who agreed to speak with Spolitics on
the grounds of anonymity. “The U.S. is committed to a policy of
helping the Chinese take a bite out of spam,” said the expert. “And
in return for that, the Chinese government has agreed to open up
markets and subsidize our purchase of egg rolls. Moore was trying
to undermine that.”
The complete set of hilarious Moore spam will be released by NSA
Publishing in paperback later this summer.
- Moore Was Willing to
Go to the Mat for China
Moore reportedly
developed an affinity for
the Chinese during a trip
there for a Pan-Asian
competition during his
attempt to become a
champion sumo wrestler,
years before his film
career took off. “They
were so very supportive
of me and I will never
forget the way they
received me,” said
Moore. “Every time I got
do something for them in return in the only way I know how.
Making movies that attack my government.”
In a written statement to the press, Moore explains, “I wanted the
Chinese people to know the truth. My film, ‘Censor this or Die,’
uncovers many secrets about a secret NSA program that I thought
the Chinese might like to know more about. That’s all. This whole
thing is nothing more than a partisan political attack to try and keep
the Chinese from seeing a very engaging movie about secret US
policies. And that’s wrong. China’s a free country, you know.”
But others say Moore’s actions have actually hurt the movement for
more openness in China. “At a time when they were starting to
relax, Moore has single-handed persuaded the Chinese to step up
their efforts against Internet freedom,” said one expert. “And why?
Because he unilaterally decided the Chinese should get to see a video
of a monkey smelling its own poo. He deserves to be punished.”
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| Moore was ranked #346 on the international sumo wrestling circuit |
| Moore prepares for his grand jury testimony |
