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Cheney Hooks Scalia While
Fishing, Withholds it from
Press for Over Twenty Years
by Lefty Paige
WASHINGTON - The hill was abuzz
today upon learning that Vice President
Dick Cheney accidentally hooked Sup-
reme Court Justice Antonin Scalia’s ear
while the two were on a fishing trip to-
gether twenty years ago. Eyewitnesses,
who remember hearing about the episode
from acquaintances who were eventually
told the story by Scalia, say that it took
Mr. Cheney over two minutes to wiggle the hook free. There was
bleeding and some discomfort involved, sources say.
Twenty Years of Silence
Rather than notifying the press immediately, Cheney and Scalia
continued fishing and the story remained buried for over twenty
years.
While the reason for the cover-up is yet unknown, one theory
circulating throughout Washington is that Mr. Cheney was over
his catch limit and if he had reported the incident to authorities, he
would have had to release some of his fish, including a record-
setting catfish. Another theory suggests Cheney and Scalia were
drinking at the time of the incident and decided to remain out on
the water and out of the reach of park rangers to escape being
cited for trolling while intoxicated.
Those who do not know the Vice President at all tell Spolitics they
believe that is exactly why Cheney opted to cover it up for all these
years.
Angry Press Corps
The Vice President’s office was battered with questions by an
angry White House press corps demanding an explanation for the
cover up. Some reporters even speculated the episode may lead
to Mr. Cheney’s resignation.
“Cheney is a dirty liar,” said one TV reporter who asked to remain
anonymous in order to protect her appearance of objectivity.
“This is just another one of many examples of how he tries to keep
news stories of national importance from the media. I hate him.”
A spokesperson for the Vice President’s office responded to
charges of a cover up by saying it never occurred to them to issue
a press release about a private episode that happened twenty years
ago.
Scalia Under the Gun
Despite being the victim in the incident, Scalia is taking heavy
doses of criticism as well. “All these years, he’s been hearing
cases involving fisheries and hook manufacturers when any judge
with a shred of decency would have recused himself,” said one
official of the moderately conservative group, Citizens for a
Socialist America.
“Obviously someone who has been hooked would have a conflict
of interest. The fact that he never once recused himself tells me
that he's in the pocket of Big Fish,” the official said.
Was Bush Told?
Meanwhile, there has been a tremendous amount of speculation in
the press about when President Bush was notified of the incident.
“Did he know about this incident when he asked Mr. Cheney to be
his running mate?” questions one key Democrat who is talking
with other party members about a possible impeachment. “I’d like
to know what he knew and when he knew it. After all, he may be
just as culpable in this.”
Fishing, Withholds it from
Press for Over Twenty Years
by Lefty Paige
WASHINGTON - The hill was abuzz
today upon learning that Vice President
Dick Cheney accidentally hooked Sup-
reme Court Justice Antonin Scalia’s ear
while the two were on a fishing trip to-
gether twenty years ago. Eyewitnesses,
who remember hearing about the episode
from acquaintances who were eventually
told the story by Scalia, say that it took
Mr. Cheney over two minutes to wiggle the hook free. There was
bleeding and some discomfort involved, sources say.
Twenty Years of Silence
Rather than notifying the press immediately, Cheney and Scalia
continued fishing and the story remained buried for over twenty
years.
While the reason for the cover-up is yet unknown, one theory
circulating throughout Washington is that Mr. Cheney was over
his catch limit and if he had reported the incident to authorities, he
would have had to release some of his fish, including a record-
setting catfish. Another theory suggests Cheney and Scalia were
drinking at the time of the incident and decided to remain out on
the water and out of the reach of park rangers to escape being
cited for trolling while intoxicated.
Those who do not know the Vice President at all tell Spolitics they
believe that is exactly why Cheney opted to cover it up for all these
years.
Angry Press Corps
The Vice President’s office was battered with questions by an
angry White House press corps demanding an explanation for the
cover up. Some reporters even speculated the episode may lead
to Mr. Cheney’s resignation.
“Cheney is a dirty liar,” said one TV reporter who asked to remain
anonymous in order to protect her appearance of objectivity.
“This is just another one of many examples of how he tries to keep
news stories of national importance from the media. I hate him.”
A spokesperson for the Vice President’s office responded to
charges of a cover up by saying it never occurred to them to issue
a press release about a private episode that happened twenty years
ago.
Scalia Under the Gun
Despite being the victim in the incident, Scalia is taking heavy
doses of criticism as well. “All these years, he’s been hearing
cases involving fisheries and hook manufacturers when any judge
with a shred of decency would have recused himself,” said one
official of the moderately conservative group, Citizens for a
Socialist America.
“Obviously someone who has been hooked would have a conflict
of interest. The fact that he never once recused himself tells me
that he's in the pocket of Big Fish,” the official said.
Was Bush Told?
Meanwhile, there has been a tremendous amount of speculation in
the press about when President Bush was notified of the incident.
“Did he know about this incident when he asked Mr. Cheney to be
his running mate?” questions one key Democrat who is talking
with other party members about a possible impeachment. “I’d like
to know what he knew and when he knew it. After all, he may be
just as culpable in this.”
| The stories on Spolitics.com are made up for entertainment purposes. Spolitics maintains that nothing on this site is accurate. Anything that happens to be accurate is purely accidental, coincidental or both and Spolitics will fire the writer responsible. Copyright © 2006 Spolitics.com. All Rights Reserved. |
| Cheney was angling for a cover up, sources say |